I woke Nighthunter in the middle of the night, very carefully so that I wouldn’t disturb any of the rest of the pack. I was full dressed, with my bow on my back. He looked at me with a question in his eyes, and I smiled eagerly back. “Let’s go hunting, just the two of us like we used to,” I whispered softly to him. As Nighthunter got up, I saw a glint of light coming from Stormwatcher’s eyes. Meeting my eyes to his, I knew that he would inform the pack in the morning. Nighthunter and I silently made our way out of the cave and into the depths of the dark forest.
We lost ourselves to the hunt. It was so much like when I was young that if I forgot about the events of the past months, I could almost imagine being able to go home to my parents. Nighthunter and I hunted for hours, filling my pack with a few rabbits and a squirrel. We flushed a few deer, but since we were hunting mostly for fun, we simply ran alongside the scared animals. It left me flushed with adrenaline even as I caught my breath.
After my breathing had calmed, I turned to Nighthunter with a twinkle in my eye. “Want to try something new, packbrother?” I asked him as I carefully laid my bow and pack in a neat pile. My clothes followed shortly after, and soon I was seeing through wolf eyes, the burning tingle from the Change fading rapidly away.
‘You are getting very good at that,’ Nighthunter remarked.
<That’s because I love it!> I danced around him eagerly, ready to be moving. Nighthunter nipped at my tail once before exploding into a run. I took off after him, adjusting my stride until I kept pace neck to neck with him.
The sky was just beginning to lighten when I caught the scent of deer in my nostrils. A glance at Nighthunter showed that he smelled it too, but he bowed his head to me to indicate I should lead the hunt. I felt elated and nervous at the same time, for I was still fairly new to hunting. But I put my nose to the ground and eagerly tracked my quarry, Nighthunter following silently behind.
It didn’t take me long to find the deer I was tracking. I snuck up on the doe and her two companions carefully, my blood pounding in my ears. I gathered my back legs under me and leapt out of my hiding spot to land in their midst. The deer took off running, and Nighthunter and I ran after them gleefully, reveling in the thrill of the chase.
After a long run that left even my boosted stamina exhausted, Nighthunter and I slowed down to an effortless lope, letting the deer bound ahead and away from us. We stopped to drink from a tiny spring before meandering into the clearing next to it. I basked in the light of the moon, two days away from being full.
- - - - - - - - - -
I awoke with a start, and the pain instantly made me regret my sudden movement. My skin felt strange, as if it was pulled taut over the bone, and one side of my face and shoulder felt like they were burning. I ran a tentative hand over my face and head, feeling the raw skin, the shorn hair. Then I looked at my hand and saw the mottled, burned skin, the base of the last two fingers fused together. I put it back on my lap in shock, staring straight ahead. When Ris finally came into the room, I was lost in my fears and barely aware when he sat down at the edge of the bed. He pulled the burnt hand gently off my lap and started applying a pungent salve to it. It was then that I realized I was shaking like an aspen tree during a windstorm, but at that point I didn’t care.
“Shadow.” He used my wolf name, and habit made me look into his eyes. “Shadow, what do you remember?”
I stared at him blankly, then the dam of my memory broke and everything came rushing back to me…
- - - - - - - - - -
We had wandered into the clearing to lie out and relax. There had been a couple of rocks, and we thought the huge one with a flat top would be perfect to sit on and watch the sun rise. We had even started to reminisce a little when I heard a noise and turned to look upwards. All I saw was a flash of wings and a black liquid shooting towards us. I tried to warn Nighthunter, but in my panic forgot that I was in wolf form, so all that came out was a yowling yelp. I was almost halfway off the rock when the black stream hit, so it only reached half of my body. Nighthunter, however, got the full brunt of it.
Then the liquid started to burn, almost as soon as it hit. The clearing was filled with the howls and yelps of a wolf in dire pain. I tried to get up, tried to get closer to Nighthunter. I had just gotten to wobbly feet when a black shadow dropped out of the sky onto him. Rage lent me strength, and before I could think I had launched myself at the winged shape perched on top of the rock. I failed to see the writing tail until it snapped against my chest, throwing me across the clearing. I impacted hard against the trees on the edge and lost consciousness.
I remember only bits and pieces after that. The first bit, I heard crunching and slobbering as the beast devoured his meal. Another flash of voices, then someone carrying me. A cold nose pressed to my cheek. A head rested on my good hand.
- - - - - - - - - -
When I cam back to the present, I was crying. Ris carefully put his arms around me and gathered me into his lap. I turned my head into his shoulder and sobbed.
After a time, I raised my head from Ris’s shoulder. I felt numb inside, as if I had no more emotions; they had all been cried out with my tears. I took a shaky breath and met Ris’s eyes. “What was it?” I asked softly. My voice was hoarse from crying.
I saw the compassion in his eyes as he answered me. “It was a black dragon. Sagais thinks it’s a fairly young one, just starting to search for a place to nest. He attacked with acid first, then landed for his meal.”
I turned my head away, choking back another sob. Apparently I had some emotion left after all. When I had composed myself again, I turned back to Ris. “How long?” I demanded.
He sighed. “Five days. We had to give you sleeping potions, especially through the full moon. You were so badly hurt, when I carried you back here I couldn’t see how you were still alive. Luckily, those nights of the full moon, even though you didn’t Change, some of your regeneration abilities helped. As it is, that first day and a half, you stopped breathing three times. Somehow, Sagais brought you back each time. But none of us have gotten much sleep lately.” He nodded towards the door. I looked and saw both doors crowded with wolves peering anxiously in. Turning back to Ris, I saw that his eyes were bloodshot and his face drawn with exhaustion.
I grabbed his shoulders. “Sagais brought me back, what about Nighthunter?!”
Ris was sympathetic. “I’m sorry Alyssa, by the time we found you, there were only a few small pieces left and some bones. Our first priority was to get you back here…”
I stared at him, then sat up, inspiration coursing through me. “The Stone can do it, it can bring him back!” I struggled to push myself off his lap, somehow managing to avoid his clutching arms. Putting weight on my right foot hurt as if the skin was being stripped off and I was stepping on long thorns, but I ignored it and stumbled towards the central cave. The short hair on my right side fluttered gently against the side of my face, but even that light touch felt like I was getting stabbed with those long thorns. I somehow made it to the stone pedestal, and even managed to grab the Stone of Sages before my leg gave in and I collapsed in a heap at the base of the pedestal, my cry of pain echoing around the walls. My vision grayed out and as I hovered on the outer fringes of consciousness, I heard the heavy steps of Sagais approaching and the murmur of voices as he spoke with Ris. There was a clink, followed by cracking and squelching sounds that made me curl in tighter on myself, reliving Nighthunter’s last moments. Then a clawed hand softly stroked my cheek, and I was gently lifted and carried. My vision cleared long enough to see a half wolf face with Ris’s coloring as he placed me back in the bed. Suddenly, I wasn’t on the gray fringes of consciousness anymore, but being carried away by the blackness.
- - - - - - - - - -
When I woke next, it was more gradual. I remembered everything this time, and curled up in a corner of the bed to cry. The crystals gradually lightened to reflect the sun, so by the time it was bright enough to read by I had more or less stopped crying and was simply staring at a single thread in sheets next to me. Now I truly did feel numb as I allowed the world to pass me by. I could care less about the sun rising or setting, and wished it could take me with it. All I could think of was that it was my fault; I should never have suggested we go hunting. It should have been me that died, not Nighthunter. Subconsciously, I had made up my mind to lay there until I really did die, from starvation or thirst. Ris came in after a few hours with a plate of food and a pitcher of water. He lingered, but when I didn’t move at all, he sighed and left, closing the door behind him. It was then that I noticed all the doors had been closed, presumably to keep me from trying to use the Stone and hurting myself again. I sighed. It didn’t really matter anyway.
- - - - - - - - - -
I don’t know how long I stayed in that state, not caring about anything or anyone. I slept when I felt like it, and when I was awake, I just stared off into nothing. Sometimes I would nibble on a piece of bread, but I was never really hungry. I was grieving. It must have been painfully obvious to everyone else as well, because they left me alone, with the exception of Ris bringing me food every day. Eventually, I heard the meadow door open and someone padded across the floor. I was curled up on my good side, so I didn’t see who it was until Lightfoot came around the corner of the bed, jumped up on it, and crawled up so that she was inside my arms. I buried my nose in her fur, tears coming to my eyes at the thought of Nighthunter. She licked my face and whined softly. ‘We all miss him, Shadow.’ At this, I broke down and sobbed hoarsely, holding her tight to my chest like a blanket on a cold night as I cried myself to sleep. I hadn’t remembered dreaming at all since before Nighthunter and I had gone hunting together, but this night I dreamed the hunt all over again, the joy as I ran alongside my brother.
- - - - - - - - - -
This time when I opened my eyes, the entire pack was in the bedroom with me. Solstice and Equinox had climbed up to sleep on the foot of the bed. Lightfoot hadn’t moved from my side, and when she saw I was awake she licked my chin. I lowered my eyes from her gaze. “I’m sorry Lightfoot, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have suggested we go hunting alone.”
She nosed me. ‘And what good would the rest of the pack have done? It would have just made more injured. It isn’t your fault Shadow, so you have got to stop trying to wish your own death.’
In the silence that followed, there was a loud gurgle from my stomach and I realized I was ravenous. I stroked Lightfoot’s ears carefully with burnt fingers and put my forehead to hers with a sigh. “Ok Lightfoot. I don’t want to be miserable anymore.”
Lightfoot bared her teeth at me in a smile. ‘Nighthunter wouldn’t want you to lie around and wallow. He’d want you to make friends with that cute elf and finish what you started!’ I blushed as she scrambled to her feet, then blushed even more when I realized the entire pack had been watching me intently through the whole conversation. I sat up carefully and spied the food and water Ris had so diligently replaced twice a day. Before I knew it, it was gone and I was looking for more. Seeing none, I swung my feet off the bed and lightly placed one foot on the floor. It hurt, but not as bad as it had the last time I had tried to walk. Longstride materialized at my side for me to lean on, and so with his help I was able to slowly make my way through the library and to the kitchen. Sagais was cooking something on the stove, and Ris was sitting at the table. Their conversation stopped abruptly as they caught sight of me standing in the doorway. Then Sagais smiled broadly and greeted me. “Well, look what the wolves dragged in!” Ris just looked deep in thought. I sat down on the table next to him.
“I’m starving,” I said, my words punctuated by another growl from my stomach.
Ris smiled suddenly. “As well you should be, after ten days with no food and little water. Will you let me treat your burns now?”
I met his eyes steadily. “I didn’t stop you before.”
“No, but you didn’t want me to.”
I lowered my gaze, knowing he was right. Sagais plopped a bowl of liquid down in front of me and handed me a spoon. I accepted it and took a bite from the bowl, closing my eyes in pleasure as it slid warmly down my throat. “This is good, what is it?”
“Chicken soup,” Sagais replied.
I choked on the soup. “Not one of ours, surely?” Sagais chuckled at me and shook his head. Reassured, I finished the bowl and started on the bread.
I would have eaten anything they gave me, but after a bit Sagais wouldn’t let me have anymore. “You don’t want to eat too much too fast, your stomach has to get used to food again,” he said. “You can have some more in a bit after we look at your burns.”
They made me stand up so they could inspect every inch of me that was burned. Sagais shook his head over my hand. “I’m afraid I can’t fix that one. It’s too far damaged, and too far healed afterwards. You’re just lucky that more of that acid didn’t reach your face, or you’d have gone blind in one eye. There’s not much more that can be done except for lots of rest, more magical salve, and maybe a transformation or some healing with the Stone. You’ll be right as rain in a few weeks.” He smiled at me.
I walked around the cave, partly because Ris and Sagais insisted, partly because I was restless. Longstride and Lightfoot accompanied me everywhere. Nothing had changed; the animals in the meadow seemed happy to see me, and I was comforted by the mundane way they wandered. Through the skylight, I could see the sun almost directly overhead. Noon, but already I felt exhausted, tired enough to head back to the bed and fall asleep.
- - - - - - - - - -
Ris saw Alyssa lay down to sleep and exchanged a silent look with Sagais. They had both agreed that a restless sleep would do more harm than good, so he crept silently into the bedroom after her. Standing over her, he felt his heart ache for her loss. Rightfully ignorant of all but her own pain both physical and emotional, she couldn’t see how it had torn him up to see her so broken. He sighed and held his hands over her head, drawing on his own small reservoirs of power to nudge her mind toward a deep, healing, and most of all dreamless sleep. Maybe now he could get some restful sleep of his own.
- - - - - - - - - -
The room was dark and empty when I opened my eyes. My rest had been blissfully free of nightmares and I felt much refreshed. I wandered into the meadow, trying to walk off the restlessness I felt. The wolves were slumbering peacefully in the long grass as I padded silently around the outside of the cave wall and into the central room. Before I consciously knew where I was going, I was standing outside the tunnel breathing in the fresh night air as my mind did its own wandering. Sagais and Ris had said there had been barely bones left by the time they found me, but I had to see for myself. I slipped into my wolf form – remembering bitterly that the last time I had done so, I had been running my last with Nighthunter – and lengthened my stride until I was chasing the wind. Sometimes, it seemed if I ran fast enough, I could forget everything and just live in the moment. But then I always had to slow down… and this time when I slowed down it was at that clearing.
The clearing looked like a small battle had taken place inside it. The ground was raked and torn, the trees on the edges broken and splintered. The rock in the middle was almost half its size, pitted and scarred from the acid breath of a black dragon. I sat next to it, numb. <What do I do now, Nighthunter?> I spoke into the empty air. <Forget it ever happened? Or try and avenge you?> I shook my head at the thought. I remembered the lessons my parents had given me, including those on dragons. There are few who can hope to defeat a dragon, and blacks are among the more vicious. <What am I supposed to do?!>
<Remember him, and let the hurt heal on its own.> Ris’s voice came floating over my shoulder, and I turned to see him sitting a few feet behind me.
<You followed me?> For some reason, I didn’t feel too surprised.
<Of course I did. I didn’t want what happened last time when you tried to slip away from me happen again. So when Lightfoot woke me and told me that you were leaving, I tracked you. I’ve started weaning myself off the control potion, so I had already taken one anyways.>
The revelation struck me. <You were the one that carried me back to the cave. And when I tried to use the Stone of Sages, you carried me then too.> I knew how hard it was for Ris to control his changes.
Ris nodded. <You and Nighthunter were gone when we woke in the morning. Stormwatcher mentioned seeing the two of you slip out, so we weren’t too concerned. But the further along the day got, the more worried we got, so when you weren’t back by nightfall we came looking for you. Sagais had his merge-with-the-earth transportation, but I figured the best and fastest way to track you would be by smell. By the time we actually found you, the first control potion was wearing off, so I took another to allow me to get you back to the cave. Sagais stayed for a bit to determine what had happened, and to look for Nighthunter.>
I was silent for a bit, somewhat awed by the enormity of the sacrifice he had made for me. <Thank you,> I whispered softly.
We traveled back to the Cave in silence, allowing me to mull over things in my mind, trying to decide how I felt about everything. When Ris had first come back to the cave, I was intimidated, but now I had feelings that I didn’t know how to describe. And the hardest part was that I didn’t know if he returned them.
When we arrived at the Cave, I tried to give Ris the single bed, which I felt was rightfully his, but he refused, disappearing into the meadow to stem any further protests I might make. So I was left sitting on the bed, the furs and blankets tucked around my knees which I pulled up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around them as I thought, unable to sleep.
Days passed, and the tension between us became almost tangible. Sagais never said anything about the way we avoided each other, or how accident-prone I became when Ris was in the room. I’m sure he must have noticed, however, because he soon announced to us that he had to make a trip to a few towns to trade. He planned on being away for a week. The wolf pack too, decided to go range the borders of their territory. At the time, I could have killed them for leaving the two of us alone together for that long.
Ris and I saw them off, one sunrise apart. I wished Sagais good luck, and forced a smile as I hugged the wolves. As I pulled away from Lightfoot, she whispered to me, ‘Stop making it awkward, Shadow. Feelings like that should be obvious!’ I shook my head at her mischievous smile. We watched until we could see them no more, then I turned to Ris. But my brain seemed to freeze and I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just turned and went back inside the Cave.
- - - - - - - - - -
Another couple days went by in silence, both of us avoiding the other, getting our own meals. I spent most of my time reading one of the many books in Sagais’s library and trying the things suggested in them out with my magic. But at some point I got hungry for fresh meat. While I could eat raw meat like the wolves, I still preferred it cooked. My new werewolf blood just meant that I preferred it a little rarer than before. I took my bow and went hunting rabbits. I soon had three back in the kitchen, skinned and gutted. I had just crouched down and put them in the oven. I rose, intending to stake the rabbit furs on frames so they could cure, but as I turned I almost ran headfirst into Risaen.
He had been standing so close behind me that the back of my neck prickled. Ris stands almost a full head taller than me, so I found myself looking up into his expression, a strange mix of tenderness and something else I didn’t recognize. We stood silently for a moment, each of us barely breathing until he lifted his hand and gently traced my cheekbone. His hand was warm and sent shivers racing down my spine as I swallowed. In that instant, I too had mixed emotions: part of me, my heart, was thrilled to know Ris shared the feelings I’d developed for him. The other part, the logical part, panicked and threw reasons of wrongdoing at me. I gave in to the panic and its predominant instinct: flee. So I was caught completely unprepared when Ris’s hand smoothly followed the line of my cheek to bury itself in my hair, and he leaned in and kissed me.
My heart pounded and I almost gave in to the thought that Ris and I could have a relationship. Then logic and panic broke in, and I pulled away from Ris. He had this serene look in his eyes, but I’m sure I had that wide-eyed look of a deer when caught unexpectedly in a mage light. I was frozen for a second longer, then I turned and ran out of the room.
The meadow was where I felt the most at home, so it was here that I stopped and sat in the shade of the overhanging roof. I sat cross-legged in the long grass trying desperately to meditate. But all I could think about was that kiss.
I had gained some semblance of my composure back when the hair on my arms rippled and I knew Ris had entered the meadow. Not wanting to confront him, I shrank into the shadows and held my breath in an attempt to hide. No such luck. Ris saw me after a few moments of looking and came over, sitting down cross-legged in front of my like he had the first day I had really met him. I refused to look at him, instead studying the grass surrounding my feet.
“You saved my life, you know, Alyssa Wolfchild.” He spoke gently, quietly, as if talking to an animal that spooks easily.
I uttered a small, bitter laugh. “You mean, when I thought I killed you?”
He nodded. “I foolishly thought I would be free, that I could pick up my old life where I’d left off if I wished. Then I actually got home, and everything just seemed so…” he hesitated. “Shallow. Hard to say for an elven city, but I soon found myself wishing for damp cave walls again. And I knew that the city was ill-equipped to deal with a werewolf within its walls. So I returned, expecting you to have been long gone. Imagine my surprise to find you still there. And you! Such steel in you! Yet you sat and meditated almost as if you were one with the earth.” He shook his head ruefully. “I have never been more unsure of my feelings around any other person.” He put his fingers up under my chin and tilted my head up, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
“What would your people say?!” I asked him, feeling horrified, scared, and hopeful all at the same time.
Ris shrugged. “I really don’t care. I’m not living with them, and I probably won’t ever go back to Shoendroth.”
“But your family! What would my parents say?”
“Your parents were druids, and perhaps understood more about the ways of nature than you think. What did they tell you before, when you were growing up?”
“To follow my heart…”
“And what is your heart saying right now?”
“But I’m too young! What would your people say?”
He sighed. “Sweetie, we defy the norm. I don’t really care what my people think because I never intend to go back there. That’s why I returned to the Cave, because life in an elven city was too petty for me. Elves can be very vain, you know.” He winked at me.
“Lightfoot thinks you’re cute,” I smiled timidly.
“What do you think?”
My heart reacted before my mind had a chance to stop it. “I think you take my breath away,” I said, and blushed.
Ris chuckled. “Well don’t be shy. But think about things,” he said, smiling. With a lingering glance to me, he stood up and left, leaving me to the turmoil of my thoughts: logic or love?
I wasn’t used to thinking so much on my own, without being able to get advice from what I saw as my family: the wolf pack. I suppose that is why Lightfoot led them on a journey of several days. I sat for the better part of the day agonizing, but eventually I realized one thing. If I chose to listen to my mind and allow our differences to keep us apart, it would mean leaving the Cave, and Ris. I couldn’t imagine, at this point, life without Ris. I loved him too much to live without him, no matter the differences in our race, upbringings, or age.
I went to search for Ris, silently. I found him in the very back of the Cave, where Sagais had wanted to put two new rooms in. He was facing the two fist sized holes in the rock, his brow furrowed in concentration. He was whispering something, his hands flashing, and as I watched one of the holes slowly grew to the size of a large melon.
In the shadows, I smiled. Sagais had shown me a little earth magic. Ris must know quite a bit; he had been here so much longer than me. I closed my eyes and let my consciousness sink deep into the earth until I could feel the holes in the rock in front of me. A rune sprang into my head unbidden, and I could feel the power behind it as I sketched it in the air, letting my vision and the rock become one, convincing the rock that it wanted to be a room. I opened my eyes to see the hole Ris hadn’t expanded widen, the rock inside it melting and turning into a sluggish liquid. I directed it to coat the passageway deeper into the mountain as far in as it needed to go to leave a two inch layer on everything.
Ris turned, alarmed, but relaxed when he saw it was me. “Show off,” he teased me with a smile. I shrugged. We both stepped inside the crude but now completed room. It was small enough that I could spread my arms out straight and touch the walls and ceiling with my fingertips. Ris looked around and said, “Well, what do you think?”
I stepped in front of him, ignoring my fatigue, and looked up into his eyes. “I think I want to continue to defy the norm,” I said, and kissed him
It didn’t take long before my stomach started to growl like a moving mountain, and I was reminded how much stone I moved. I lifted my head from where it had been cradled against Ris’s chest and wondered out loud about the rabbits I had put in the over earlier. Ris smiled. “I took them out before going to look for you. They were almost done.” I made a beeline for the kitchen, my stomach protesting every step of the way. Twice I stumbled on invisible rocks in the path, only to have Ris catch my arm.
When I got to the kitchen, the rabbits were cold. I sighed, put my finger on it, and extended my magic once more. Steam rose from the rabbit, and when I took a bite it was every bit as tender and juicy as I had imagined it would be when I went out this morning hunting it. The juices ran over my fingers as I devoured the breast and thigh. Savoring what seemed like the taste of bliss, I opened my eyes halfway through the second thigh to see Ris sitting in front of me. Sheepishly, I pulled the half-eaten bone out of my mouth and offered it to him. He laughed and shook his head. “I think I’ll just have this one,” he chuckled as he reached for another rabbit and heated it in a similar fashion.
I ate until I was content, sitting back with a sigh as I licked my fingers. Getting up to go get one of Sagais’s books, everything went dizzy and I saw black spots. “Whoa,” I said, putting my hand out to catch myself on the table. Ris was at my side in an instant.
“Too much magic so soon after a serious wound, shame on you,” he said seriously with only a hint of teasing. “You should be resting, not reading!” He swept me up into his arms against my protests and carried me into the bedroom to gently lay me down on the bed.
“A girl could get used to this,” I giggled.
Ris smiled at me. “Go to sleep, m’dear. You’ve had enough excitement for one day.” He held a hand over my forehead and I felt myself falling into a black well of sleep, absent of all dreams.
- - - - - - - - - -
I woke from a sound sleep, the furs piled around me nest-like. There was a warm comforting presence at my back, and I vaguely remembered being partially awoken in the middle of the night to Ris crawling into bed beside me. I carefully rolled onto my other shoulder, the one that was still tender. Ris was asleep next to me, so I put an arm on his shoulder and watched him breathe. After a bit, his breathing sped up, and the corners of his mouth curved up as he opened his eyes and turned to look at me. “You know, you have amazing eyes,” I said to him. Ris had light pastel lavender eyes, but there was a ring of gold on the inside that gave him a little bit of a feral look.
Ris chuckled at my scrutiny, then sighed. “We have to go hunting today. We ate all the rabbit yesterday.”
I sat up, a grin stretching across my face. “Let’s go then!”
Ris groaned. “You are too enthusiastic.”
“Oh come on, this’ll be fun. We can hunt as wolves! I’ll get a potion.” I swung out of bed and ran to get a control potion from the kitchen. When I came back and offered it to him, Ris looked at it a long moment before wrapping his hand around mine.
“I want to try changing without the potion,” he said, looking into my eyes.
I sat down beside him. “Are you sure?”
He nodded. “That’s what those new rooms are for, Sagais and I were talking about it while you were recovering. If there are two of us, we can’t both be in the central cave. If I can’t control it, I’d rip you to pieces. The opening you left in the room you finished should be narrow enough that it’d be difficult for the wolf to find. And I do need the practice. I’ll be right back.” He got up and padded out of the room.
A few minutes later, I heard him start the change – grunts of pain and bones crunching. Then, a second later, a bone-chilling scream that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up let me know that he’d lost control and the inner beast had taken over. I dropped the pillow I was holding and rushed down the passage towards the sound, only to find Ris stalking towards me, snarling and growling, all his hair standing on end like a wolf in full defense. I could feel a sense of dread in the pit of my belly. I wasn’t strong enough to wrestle with a half rabid wolf, maybe not even if I had been at my full strength. I tried talking to him: “Ris? Ris, it’s Alyssa. Now would be a good time to take control. Come on Ris, I know you can do it.” But to no avail, he kept moving towards me. I had less than a moment’s notice of a crouch when he sprang at me. Somehow, I barely managed to keep that mouth away from my throat, all the while trying to keep up a running dialog, hoping that Ris would be able to recognize me and take control of the beast. At some point when I was pinned to the ground I saw the control potion on the ground close to me, and after stretching for it managed to grab it and pull the top off with one hand. I didn’t know if it would work since Ris had already changed, but it was worth a try. My other hand had his bottom jaw, trying to keep him from either chewing my hand off or laying my throat open, so I held on as best I could and stuck the whole vial in his mouth, emptying as much as I could into it. He paused for a moment, as if the taste had struck something within, then his jaw crunched down on my hand. The vial shattered, I heard a crack from my hand, and the bits of glass dug into the tender new skin. I gasped involuntarily as the pain shot to my elbow, and blood started dripping down my forearm and out of Ris’s wolf mouth. I was yelling at him now, feeling my strength start to wane quickly, afraid of what would happen when it was gone. But something seemed to go through Ris, and he froze. I pried his jaws open to get my hand out and cradling it against my chest as I scooted back from him a little bit.
As I watched him, Ris seemed to shiver, and slowly he resumed his elven form to collapse face down on the floor beside me. He was shaking, and it took me a minute to realize he was crying. A small sigh of relief escaped me as I sat next to Ris and awkwardly tried to gather him into my arms, making soothing sounds and telling him it was ok. After a few moments, he pulled himself together and laid his head on my shoulder as he gently inspected my hand. “Gods Alyssa, I’m so sorry…”
“It’s ok. It wasn’t really you. But you’re probably going to have to set that… ah!” I gritted my teeth as he pulled another glass shard out. “I think you broke my hand when you broke the vial.”
He looked at me, and I could see the depths of his pain and remorse in his eyes. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Let me go get some bandages.” He returned shortly with them and some flat pieces off wood to set the bones, but I wouldn’t let him use them.
“Just stop the bleeding. I still mean to go hunting today and that should regenerate most of it.”
Ris looked at me. “You’re crazy!” He gently rolled my littlest knuckle between his fingers and I felt my muscles tense and the blood drain from my face as the pieces of bone ground together. “Your knuckle is shattered!”
“The wolf should regenerate that.” I gazed at him steadily. “But I just got up and I’m not going back to bed so soon!”
Ris went pale. “You don’t mean for me to try the Change again, after what just happened?”
I nodded. “You have to learn sometime. Stop looking on it as a curse. You weren’t in your center because you let the pain get to you. Besides, you still have some of that potion in you.” I didn’t tell him, but if he got out of control again I intended to be ready for it. He seemed at a loss for words, simply got up and headed towards the back of the cavern again. I didn’t stop to listen for him this time, instead closing my eyes and starting my own meditation exercises. Within a few minutes I felt the changes within my body. It was a little different this time – hard to ignore the throbbing pain shooting up from my hand. When it was done, I stood up carefully on legs slightly longer than my own. I was in a form I hardly ever used, the one that was halfway between wolf and human. It felt strange, and walking was awkward, so when I started making my way towards where Ris was, I stepped carefully so I wouldn’t trip over myself.
Ris was sitting in the middle of the room I had made, cross-legged with his eyes closed. I was as quiet as possible, not wanting to interrupt his meditation exercises. All went well this time, and soon it was his tawny wolf looking back at me from the doorway. <Thought you’d come prepared this time, hm?> he thought at me almost teasingly. I nodded with a feral smile. The true werewolf form – mix of both humanoid and wolf – was stronger than my half elven body. Had Ris lost control, I’d have been able to subdue him much better than before.
<Look,> I said, bending down to show him my hand. <I was right, the knuckle’s fine.> My whole hand was sore, and the puncture wounds were only half healed, but at least I’d be able to hunt.
Once I was settled comfortably in my own canine form, we started looking for prey to hunt. Ris had never hunted as a wolf before, so he had no experience hunting with others. It took a bit of coordination because I was so new to it myself. We finally managed to get a large rabbit for each of us and we were heading back to the cave when we passed a stream. The reflection that caught my eye was strange, so I stopped for another look. The wolf that looked back from me was almost a stranger. It still had the black half-face, and the markings around the eye, but the rest of my body was no longer white. Where I had been wounded with the dragon acid, and would be forever scarred had made the hair grow black. It was one long streak down my right side that made me stare. When Ris didn’t hear me following, he stopped and stood beside me.
<Why didn’t you tell me?> I was both awed by the change and sad.
<What, about that?> he shrugged, a strange gesture to see in a wolf. <Because it didn’t seem very important. I was more worried about you.>
I looked one last time at the black marring the majority of my fur from my shoulder to my back leg, sighed, and turned back towards the cave. When we got there, I let Ris cook the rabbits while I took a look at myself in the polished surface of the table. My hair was still ragged on the right side where the acid had burned it off. It looked strange to have part of my hair end just below my ear, and the rest of it down to my waist. I went hunting for a sharp knife among all my things, finally settling on a throwing knife. After carefully inspecting my hair some more, I trimmed the burnt edges of the short side off, then cut the long side so that it was all even. Seeing a pile of my silver hair on the table brought to mind Nighthunter, and I didn’t realize I was crying until Ris sat down beside me and wrapped his arms around me. We sat there, not saying anything while the rabbits cooked. When they were done, he got up to take them out of the oven, and I gathered up my loose hair and took it outside, letting it blow away on the wind. The short ends of my hair bobbed gently against my jaw line as I closed my eyes remembered my packbrother.
- - - - - - - - - -
“There.” Sagais added another blanket to the rest of the gear on the pile and stood back with Ris and me to survey our progress. It had been two weeks since Sagais and the wolf pack came to the Cave and I had been slowly accumulating my gear to continue my trip westward.
“Are you still sure you want to do this?” Ris asked me.
I nodded. “It was Father’s last request. And I do feel as if he’s the only one who may ever be like me…” I trailed off.
Sagais gave the piles on the table another look. “Well, you’ll have to keep an eye on your food supply. With the warmer clothes and blankets we had to add, it doesn’t leave room for much else.” We had scrounged and bartered heavier woolen clothes, instead of the linen I had, and two blankets to add to my bedroll. I started packing it into my backpack and the two saddlebags I had.
Eventually, Ris and Sagais wandered off, to do chores or hunt, or something else to keep themselves busy. Several hours went by as I packed and repacked my three bags. Finally I sighed and dumped them out again. “It doesn’t fit!” Snowdancer raised his head from his paws at my outburst, looking at me unblinking. I paced for minutes, thinking, until finally an idea occurred to me and I raced out of the kitchen to go find it. I passed Sagais in the meadow, and Ris was in the bedroom when I finally found what I was looking for – a bag I had used for gathering herbs that slung over the shoulder. With it, I was finally able to fit everything. It was dark by the time I set all my bags by the door with an exclamation of triumph.
“You’ll be leaving tomorrow, then?” Ris was standing in the opposite doorway, leaning against the frame.
I nodded. “I don’t want to wait too long or it will be too late to leave.”
He walked over and put his arms around me. I let out a small sigh as I leaned into his chest. I didn’t want to leave Ris behind, but he didn’t want to go. I was almost reluctant to leave at all, but if I didn’t, it felt too much like quitting.
In bed that night with Ris’s arm over my shoulders, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. I listened to his breathing gradually slow until I knew he was asleep. After a little bit I decided there was no point in waiting any longer. I gently slipped out from under his arm and padded silently to wake the wolves and grab my things. I had made it around the bend in the tunnel when a figure materialized from the wall.
“You’re going to leave without saying goodbye?” Sagais asked.
I looked at my toes sheepishly and nodded. “I don’t’ know how, especially to him. That’s how he’ll know that I’ll be back, at least.”
Sagais smiled, then pulled me into a bear hug. “Take care of yourself, Alyssa.”
I hugged him back, unable to say anything even if I knew what to say. When we released each other, I adjusted my straps and turned to go, but Sagais stopped me. “Wait, I almost forgot something.” He pulled two items out of a bag that I hadn’t noticed he was carrying and handed them to me. I had completely forgotten about my circlet and pendant, the two items Sagais had taken from me months ago because they burned my touch. Now, however, I could see that the silvery metal of both of them was covered with a thin clear layer of rock.
“Sagais, this isn’t diamond, is it?” I knew he was capable of covering it with something so precious as that. But he shook his head.
“No, just simple quartz. But you’ll be able to touch them now without getting burned. And the quartz will help you use them a little better as a focus. This one,” he touched the crystal pendant. “The original stone is quartz too; it’s not real powerful, good for not much else than what you’ve been using it for. But the circlet is attuned to you.” He took it from me and turned it gently over in his hands. “That means you can probably use this amethyst for a focus, and maybe manipulate the inherent magics. You’ll have to try it out.”
“Thank you so much!” I threw my arms around his neck, almost giddy with joy. Sagais chuckled at my enthusiasm as he handed me back the circlet. I stowed it away in my pack carefully before hanging the crystal back around my neck. I then made my final farewells to Sagais and turned and walked away, feeling as if I was leaving my home all over again.
When I got to the mouth of the tunnel, Nod stopped. ‘This is where I stay. We promised.’ I nodded and smiled.
Take care of them both, Nod.” She licked my cheek as I bent down to hug her. The pack filed by her, rubbing a chin, touching a muzzle, saying goodbye in their own fashion. And so we started our travels once again, eastwards back towards Shadowdale and a mage.
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